AKA the cunning linguist; AKA el lingüista astuto; AKA Thomas the Tongue Engine; AKA le linguiste adroit; AKA il linguista abile; AKA the cunning linguist; AKA el lingüista astuto; AKA Thomas the Tongue Engine; AKA le linguiste adroit; AKA il linguista abile;

Tuesday, 24 July 2012

The Wicked Wench of Wupert Stweet

"There was movement on the forums, for the word had passed around
That the MILF from "Butterflies" had got away,
And had joined the Wild Ladies - she was worth a thousand pound,
So all the cracks had gathered to the fray.
All the tried and noted punters from the brothels near and far
Had mustered at "The G" overnight,
For the punters love hard riding where the Wild Ladies are,
And Sir Thomas snuffs the battle with delight."

(with apologies to ABP)
---

From all reports this young blond filly of ample assets with her butter wouldn't melt in her mouth" English Rose looks and seductive accent, continues to seduce the men of Melbtropolis. Despite her "Hot Babe" tag, this is really the "Wicked Wench of Wupert Stweet".  

Its time she got a good licking - this is a job for "Super Tongue" ("I've eaten more pussies than Sunday roasts!").

Meanwhile, in the grey canyons of the business district of Melbtropolis, mild mannered business analyst Sir Thomas, slips out for an early long lunch.  He boards his trusty #109 steed, flashing his Seniors Card at the ticket inspector, and heads on down to "The G".

Cristal ("The Wench") was busy as usual.  ST had rung the day before to ensure he got a lunch-time booking, but only 1:15 was available. But even now, she is running 15 minutes late.  He settles in the waiting room with just women's daytime TV and a NW magazine for company (not even a 'Ralph' - wtf)!

Cristal eventually comes in, cunningly disguised in an all-over tan and skimpy fluoro bikini that barely holds in her newly acquired puppies.

Up in the room, Sir Thomas slips into the shower cubical and steps out as "Super Tongue"!  

On Cristal's return, there is some "dancing" around each other, sizing each-other up - discovering each-other's delectations.  They move into a clinch and Cristal lifts her top and thrust her orbs into his face, "Wrap your tongue around these!"  ST thinks, "I'm supposed to be giving her the 'licking'. She shouldn't be demanding it!"

There is writhing and squirming, jockeying for position till Cristal gains the upper hand and is attacking ST with her tongue and mouth.  But ST, despite being in the under-dog position pulls her leg over and starts giving that English pussy a good old Aussie licking.

She rolls off and pulls him up to a standing position in front of the mirror, then on her knees, ST meets DT (Deep Throat).  But ST regains the upper hand, and pushes her back onto the bed, head over the edge and continues the face-fuck, then pulls her legs up over his shoulders for more lip-licking 69 (is there even a name for this position?)

But Cristal, showing her amazing flexibility, extricates herself, and standing, still in her stillettos, with one leg shoulder high against the mirror, demands, "Well are you going to fuck this English pussy now?"  What follows, is a series of moves and positions that would do the Australian Ballet justice, before Cristal throws ST to the floor onto a pillow and proceeds to impale herself on him, both forward and reverse cow-girl.

But ST regains control, and has Cristal spread-eagled on her back on the bed.  He crawls up the bed, pausing to apply more oral lubrication, before pinning her under him.  A DFK tongue battle ensures.  She lifts her legs high over his shoulders to achieve maximum penetration, and much pleading to The Almightly can be heard.

As her shudders finally subside, ST rolls off, and she dives on his member to slake her thirst at the fountain of love.

Half exhausted, they both lie back for a cuddle and chat about love and marriage and internet forums.

But its not long before she can feel a nudge in her crotch as ST rises for more.  She swings round and licks and sucks some more, and ST gives her the two-finger salute.  Before long she is bucking again and reaches for another rubber and has barely got it on before the buzzer sounds.  But do you think a buzzer is going to stop this Wicked Wench when she wants something ("its all about me!").  She is on board now and riding like a woman possessed, until in another body shuddering orgasm, she gets what she wants!  Her pussy has clamped tightly around ST who continues pumping as tremors continue to ripple through her body, till he explodes too. (OMG, twice in an hour, its unheard of for the old fella).

Now, totally exhausted, they both fall back to catch their breath.  The buzzer goes a second time, and ST slowly gets up then gingerly stands on wobbly legs.  He showers and slips back into his disguise as mild-mannered Sir Thomas.


The final score? A 2 all draw!
---

As Sir Thomas settles back in the 109 to catch his breath and wait for some strength to return to his knees, he wonders:

"Who was that woman?  Was that really the 'Wicked Wench', or was it in fact 'Wonder Woman' stripped bare?"

And so Sir Thomas slips back into work a bit after 3pm (it was an extra long "Lunch") - little do the juniors realise that The Old Man (TOM) is in fact the fearless defender of Twuth, Justice and the Punters’ Way!

As TOM settles down at his desk, there is a stirring in his loins - Oh no! Is it the delicious memory, or the remnants of vitamin V, or ... no, it couldn't be ... not "Cristallization"?  He licks his lips and wiggles his tongue - no, thank goodness - "Super Tongue" is safe for another day!
------------------------------------------------------------------
PS. Apart from some literary licence, no facts were harmed in the production of this review.  Everything else should be taken with a grain of Cialis and was written with tongue firmly in pussy.  All allusions, alliterations and aspersions are altogether intentional.


Tuesday, 17 July 2012

Au Naturale? Oui? Non?

Let me say right up front, that this post is not meant to be "preachy".  Whilst I normally practice "safe sex", there have been the occasional times with one or two of my very special regular ladies, when we have got a bit "carried away" in the passion of the moment, and I have no regrets about that.

But I do want to high-light the realities of STDs, but in a balanced "risk" based assessment.

An Historical Perspective

First up, STD are not a new thing (though the deadly HIV virus is relatively new).  During the two world-wars, military hospitals treated more VD (as it was known then) cases than battle injuries.  In OZ immediately after WW-I there was an epidemic of syphilis.  Returned servicemen picked up the "clap" in the brothels of Egypt, Palestine and France, returned home and infected their wives and subsequently their new-born children.  It is estimated that around 1920, 10% of Australian babies were born with syphilitic conditions.  This STD epidemic did not get publicity because, (a) such things were not discussed, and (b) it was over-shadowed by the influenza pandemic.

WW-II brought penicillin and other antibiotics and VD became a "mild", treatable annoyance.

Now I won't pursue the historical line, but rather I want to focus on the epidemiology of the situation.  We are talking about contagious diseases spread through inter-personal (sexual) contact.

WHO - The Risk Network

Epidemiologists talk about the "Risk Network" of who has had contact with who.  In this case, who have your partners had sex with and who have your partner's partners had sex with, etc.  It is the "six degrees of separation" scenario.  The following diagram from the California Department of Health Services maps the sexual inter-relationship network at a college in Colorado Springs where an outbreak of gonorrhea occurred in the 1980s'.


The majority of students only had 1 or 2 partners, but you can clearly see that there are about 5 individuals who were highly sexually active and most students were only 2 or 3 couplings away from these focii of infection.

HOW - Mechanisms of Contagion

The next aspect of epidemiology is the mechanism of infection.  With STDs, we are talking about blood-born viruses so infection is essentially through blood-blood contact.  Thus shared syringes and open wounds are the highest risks.  But the lining of the vagina, penis and urethra have millions of blood capillaries very close to the surface of the skin and trans-cutaneous (through the skin) infection is highly likely.  The viral load in saliva is effectively non-existent - the chief risk of oral infection is via cold-sores, ulcers, etc.

RISK MITIGATION

Barriers to the "How"

The condom is still the most effective method of avoiding contagion.  With the range of thicknesses and sizes (girth), with some experimentation, you should be able to minimise any discomfort and loss of sensitivity.  But correct use is still essential (fitting it on and withdrawal immediately on completion to avoid slipping off).

The question of barriers for oral (condoms for fellatio and dams for cunnilingus) is open to debate.  The medics at my STD clinic tell me the risks from uncovered oral are minimal when there are no skin lesions on either partner.

Minimise Contagion "Entry Points"

In mentioning lesions, remember that contagious transfer can still occur in the uncovered pubic areas if there are warts, pimples, cuts, etc.  Similarly with lip and mouth ulcers, cold sours etc.  At home, we avoid kissing if either of us have a cold.  Show the same respect to your sexual partners.  In sport we now have the "blood rule".  Apply the same rule to your sexual activity - if you (or your partner) have any open sores, then avoid intimate contact.

This is probably a good place to recommend you discover, explore and enjoy the full gamut of intimate interactions.  A guy is much more likely to "get into trouble" if he is on focused on the one outcome, of "getting his rocks off" as quickly as possible.  Also, having sex when drunk is also dangerous.  A little liquor might help relax you, but with too much you quickly loose inhibition required for rational choice and risk minimization.

Choice of Partner - the "Who"

This very much falls into the risk minimization category rather than prevention.  Historically, prostitutes have been the principal source of infection.  But in recent decades, especially in countries like Australia with regulated prostitution, this situation has completely reversed.  Recent surveys (in OZ) have shown that regulated prostitutes have the lowest incident of STD of any sexually active demographic.  In STD clinics, infected men are 5 times more likely to have caught it from a casual encounter (pickup at the pub/club?) than from a prostitute.  Since regulation, there have been zero cases in HIV identified among regulated/tested prostitutes.  As one wag put it, professional electricians rarely get electrocuted - it is the weekend amateur that is in greatest risk.  As I have written elsewhere, under Australian regulations, prostitutes are required to always practice "safe sex" (I would guess that we have better than 95% compliance) and must have monthly STD health checks (as good as 100% compliance with brothels records checked at random).  Most perform a visual check of potential clients and any suspect conditions will have you turned away.

In whatever sort of "relationship", the key is communication and trust.  And that is two way.  Its not just "Can I trust her?", but "Can she trust me?".  I mentioned health checks above - you do have checkups yourself I hope. Take your share of the responsibility.

Early Detection and Treatment

Generally, men are not good at caring about their own health.  Surely your sexual health is as important or more-so than your general health.  Get to know your own body - yes self examination applies to men too.  In OZ we have free, anonymous sexual health clinics - use them.  If we expect our Ladies of Pleasure to have monthly check-ups, we should show them the courtesy of having ourselves checked as well, say 6 or 12 monthly.

Like most diseases, the earlier anything is detected, the sooner treatment can start and the quicker you will recover.

The Bottom Line - Risk, the Numbers "Game"

Now I'm no professional in this area and I can't put numeric probabilities on various aspects of risk and mitigation.  All of life is risky.  Just keep things in proportion in your mind.  There is no point in being paranoid about contracting HIV from a drop of semen on the skin when the risk of being run-over by a car when crossing the road outside is a ten thousand times higher.

Outside of a monogamous or closed polygamous relationship, I don't advocate 'au naturale' as your normal 'modus operandi'.  But having followed all the above risk mitigations, I am comfortable in taking the risk of an occasional "in flagrante delicto".

Be Informed

A short post like this can't possibly cover all aspects of this topic.  So read up further.  If in any doubt, talk to a medical practitioner (use one of the free anonymous services).  And feel free to add your informative comments, though I do have the power of moderation.


e[lust] #38



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