AKA the cunning linguist; AKA el ling├╝ista astuto; AKA Thomas the Tongue Engine; AKA le linguiste adroit; AKA il linguista abile; AKA the cunning linguist; AKA el ling├╝ista astuto; AKA Thomas the Tongue Engine; AKA le linguiste adroit; AKA il linguista abile;

Saturday, 23 August 2014

I Lust, Therefore I Am

This topic came up in relation to a forum discussion on prostate surgery.  Men are not the best at seeing their doctor for regular health checks, but the very thought of prostate surgery and possible (probable?) decline or loss of sexual function, sends shivers through any red-blooded male.  Not being able to get a 'rise' at the sight of a beautiful sexy woman, to not be able to get an erection ever again, or have no sexual feelings in your penis, to some, is like having the very core of your being cut out.
Mind you I read of ladies having similar feelings of loss of sexual identity after mastectomy.  For women, this is a double whammy of both body image as well as self identity.
I heard of a case of a young man in his late 20's, who developed testicular cancer.  Despite treatment, it really messed with his mind and self worth.  He couldn't bring himself to touch his wife and the marriage eventually broke up.  Needless to say it had a profound effect on his wife too, who had a strong sex drive. Her whole persona of wife, lover, mother, in a happy, caring relationship, was down the toilet.  With two young children to raise, no career, no support and unmet 'needs', she talked to a girlfriend, who suggested she try 'sex work' (thank goodness in Australia this option is available, legal and safe).  It was here that I met her.  Apart from some rollicking good times, we also had some very deep conversations.  The work and her clients had opened her eyes to a whole new world, of the possibility of sexual enjoyment without having to commit to the unknown of a long-term relationship.  Having saved up a little nest egg, she has left the industry now, gone back to college to study for a new career, and maybe dip her toe into the dating scene again - but she has thrown off the shackles of thinking that a girl 'needs' a man in her life to feel complete.  I wish her all the best.
Lust in the sense of sexual feelings (as distinct from unrequited desire for someone) is at the core of our humanness. Menopause and age can be like thieves in the night that creek up on you and steal your natural lust away.  These are things we will all have to deal with at some point, both in ourselves and in our partners. But to have 'it' taken in traumatic circumstances can be mentally debilitating. It is so important to not put all your 'identity eggs' in the 'lust basket', but to have other charitable and creative outlets for self-worth.

PS. I have personally just had a prostate biopsy, and thank goodness, the results are all clear. So my declining post rate, in line with declining 'lust' and performance, is just old fashioned aging.  Thank goodness my tongue is still as strong and lusty as ever. There is nothing like a little dose of Cunning Linctus to perk one up.

Monday, 17 March 2014

e[lust] #56

elustheaderPhoto courtesy of Understanding Flutterby
Welcome to e[lust] - The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at e[lust]. Want to be included in e[lust] #57? Start with the rules, come back April 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Fiction

Blogging

Sex News,Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Erotic Non-Fiction

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Writing About Writing

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Sunday, 2 March 2014

As Lust Fades

There are plenty of comments around about women losing their libido, usually following menopause (usually from their bewildered partners). But men are very reluctant to admit it of themselves.  This is sometimes called "andropause", although medically, this is an ill-defined term, medically implying a decrease in testosterone levels.

Its not that I'm not interested in sex any-more - far from it.  And I still enjoy sex very much.  Its just that there is no 'urge', no 'stirring in the loins', no 'automatic boners', no 'morning glory'.

Let me back up to the start of my 'problems'.  It must be five or six years ago now when I found my erections wilting mid-session (mind you, that particular lady wasn't exactly very encouraging).  I spoke to my doctor about ED and he prescribed Viagra. Wow! But the after effects are not nice, so I halved the dose, then halved again, still getting a good usable erection with some reduction in side effects.  In time, I switched to Cialis with slightly less side effects and improved erections for several days (see "4 o'clock in the morning").  But last year, the gastric reflux 'heart burn' was getting quite severe - the doctor ordered a gastroscopy and some acid-burn scarring was found in the lower oesophagus. So I've stopped Cialis and I'm now trying herbal 'Viagermax' which in combination with a good cock-ring is serving me well.

BUT.  Whilst medication has helped my ED and I am enjoying 'the journey' better, I have found I am reaching 'the destination' less often (ie. failure to cum).  Neither oral nor Mrs Palmer get me over the line much anymore.  Only a small number of ladies get me there because of their technique, which I wrote about as "DFF Deep French Fucking".

But fading lust is something more.  When I first liberated myself, I set myself a goal/limit of once a month (diarized as FOTM).  Now dear diary, you know how it is, once you are onto a good thing you naturally want more.  So 4-weekly crept back to 3-weekly, and on occasions the urge became an ache that just begged to be salved.  I remember talking with a wonderful regular at the time about which was better, more frequent 'quickies' or longer lingering encounters less often - we decided that there was a need for both. When I found a bordello close to work with particularly enticing ladies, I found myself slipping out for early, long 'lunches' more often - mind you their loyalty scheme of a free visit every 10 kept me regular.  I found that at about 10-12 days, the urge was stirring (I was in my late 50's, not early twenties where 10 hours would be closer to the mark).  So into the third week I was planning my calendar for a slow day for a 'long lunch'.

But now I'm a retired pensioner, with restricted discretionary disposable income, and more difficulty finding "me time" away from home, I only manage to catch up with my buddies once a month.  And I also find the "lust" has gone.  There is no physical 'need' to 'get my rocks off' any more - 'blow and go' is a thing of the past.  My sexual desires are much more volitional, a desire for intimacy, of companionship, etc. (still not available at home).  My issue now is finding suitably accommodating ladies.

On the physical side, my next concern is where is my prostate going - I've had BPH for 15 years and my PSA level has been slowly creeping up to now be at the top of the 'normal range', so I am at the monitor closely (6 monthly) stage before resorting to biopsy.  Is an enlarged prostate the cause of 'not cumming'?

So dear reader, you understand now why my blogging has fallen off - less source material.  But I trust the chronicles of my journey might be of some help to other men, perhaps struggling with some sexual issues and can't/won't discuss them with anyone.  Don't be shy - drop my a line/comment, even anonymously.

Sunday, 19 January 2014

DFF - Deep French Fucking

A couple of things came to me recently that lead to this post.  A national paper's 'Lifestyle' blog had an article on the perennial issue of why women don't/can't orgasm with vaginal sex.  Then there is that bland term "penetrative sex" - the sex-blog world talks lots about the peripheral, preliminaries (bondage, spanking, cunnilingus, fellatio, etc), but the "final" sex act is somewhat of an anti-climax, although it is supposed to be THE Climax!

Then I had another encounter with "Special K" - we hadn't seen each other for 10-11 months, but in the past year we have become regular 'buddies'.  Her technique for "penetrative sex" is something to blog about.  Of the hundred or two ladies with whom I have had the pleasure of their 'company' (and these being 'professional' sex workers at that), I would venture that barely a half dozen have mastered this technique.

Sure there are various positions, 'cow girl', reverse cow girl, 'doggy', missionary, etc, that spice up the main event.  But I am talking about something more.  In struggling to work out how to describe this pleasure, the nearest analogy I could come up with is comparing the "simple kiss" with Deep French Kissing (DFK).  Thus I settled on "Deep French Fucking".

I have written before about the "dry root", or "non-sex", AKA "outer sex".  If we extrapolate that technique and imagine your lady "Deep French Kissing" your cock with her vulva, you start to get the 'feel' of it.  The primary drive is stimulation of her clitoris.  From her perspective, the key is the use of her pelvic muscles. The most sensitive parts of our genitals are her clitoris and vulva, and the head/tip of his penis.  K has a particular 'move' whereby she 'nibbles' or 'kisses' the head of my cock with the mouth of her vagina, using her muscle control - awesome.

There is a lot of pelvic action, more so by your lady, using both the front and back sides of your cock as well as your knob, rubbing every ridge, and exploring every wet slippery fold of her clitoris and labia majora & minor with the occasional foray into the inner sanctum.  As well as in/out, there will be back & forth, left/right, and rotating/twisting actions.

In some sense, DFF is driven by the lady, but the gentleman should be able to judge which moves are most pleasurable to you both, and use his cock to caress both the outer folds of her vulva as well as inside with a variety of moves.

Couple the above with a whole-of-body embrace, skin-on-skin stimulation and actual Deep French Kissing, you have optimised the chances for your lady to achieve that big "O" during "vaginal sex".

In comparison, doesn't "penetrative sex" sound so bland.  Surely this is why our boys seem to think that sex is only all about in-and-out "pumping" till he has his climax.

I am reminded of the story about the young prince getting married.  He asked his father, the King for advice. "Its quite simple" said The King.  On your wedding night, your wife with say, 'I offer my honour', to which you will reply, 'I honour your offer'.  Then its just a matter of honour and offer, honour and offer...".

Poor prince, so much to learn.  I'm just sorry that I am just discovering these things in my silver-haired years. Better late than never though.  I just hope I can contribute my little bit to sex education to a younger generation.
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