AKA the cunning linguist; AKA el ling├╝ista astuto; AKA Thomas the Tongue Engine; AKA le linguiste adroit; AKA il linguista abile; AKA the cunning linguist; AKA el ling├╝ista astuto; AKA Thomas the Tongue Engine; AKA le linguiste adroit; AKA il linguista abile;

Wednesday, 27 May 2015


The Female Orgasm

OMG, what am I letting myself in for, writing this post. Does she? Doesn't she? Can she? Wanting or not wanting to? Clitoral vs vaginal? Single or multiple? I was initially worried as a male, writing about female orgasms, but on reflection men have probably observed a greater variety of female orgasms than most women. I don't claim that this will be a scientific analysis, or a definitive thesis, and no attempt at statistics has been made. Rather it is just one man's observations. Further, my observations are almost entirely from 'paid-for-sex' encounters which has its own issues which I will touch on later. 

The Good, The Fantastic and The Ecstatic

What an amazingly beautiful thing, the female orgasm is. Unlike we simple, mere males, the female orgasm is as varied, complex and mysterious as women's psyche and physiology.

One of the things I learnt from my ladies early on, is that strength of orgasm is related to whether she can come only once or multiple times. A big strong orgasm is usually a singleton, leaving her exhausted - eg. "That Smile". The French have a delightful phrase, "petit mort", the "little death" to describe that post-orgasmic exhaustion. Some ladies have even said that they can never orgasm more than once a day. But a less strong orgasm is no guarantee of multiples. But then again, singletons are not necessarily 'strong' - some one-a-day ladies only have gentle, quiet orgasms - every woman is wired differently and responds differently. When it comes to multiples, my golden-girl buddy, AX holds my record of 9 in a single session - ride'm cow-girl.

Then there is the perennial question of "Clitoral vs Vaginal". On the surface, this describes the style of stimulation that a lady needs to orgasm. Some/many say they can only orgasm by clitoral stimulation. Vaginal stimulation is more difficult for a lady to control and direct toward achieving orgasm if her guy is just thrusting away - vaginal stimulation to orgasm needs to be focused on the G spot and the entrance of the vagina. With her on top and if he holds off from thrusting, she has a better chance of controlling the stimulation she needs. From my observations, there is also a Vaginal Orgasm that is rare and qualitatively different. Different muscles are involved and is probably related to a lady's ability to control her pelvic floor (kegel) muscles. This orgasm starts deep down, rumbling like an earthquake, building up to an explosion. In my first encounter of this, my lady had had several clitoral orgasms, but after the vaginal orgasm exploded, she exclaimed, "God I needed that. I haven't had one of those for months".

Speaking of 'earthquakes', there are sometimes 'after shocks', different from multiple orgasms from continued stimulation. These are smaller post orgasm 'twitches' that occur unexpectedly, that sometimes bring on the giggles. In "I'll Have What She's Having", I wrote of not just a 'Happy Ending', but a 'Hilarious Ending'.

Which brings me to the relationship between humour, orgasms and "The Screamer". I believe that women who have a good sense of humour and an ability to have a good laugh, have better orgasms. Both require the ability to be able to "let go" of those psychological constraints we place on ourselves. This also is related to how vocal we become during orgasm - I'm afraid yours truly is a 'quiet achiever' though my ladies have often said they enjoy my sense of humour.

Orgasmic squirting is another less common response, that I only first experienced after many years - see "Christmas Drinks at the Y". There seems to be no scientific consensus as to what it is. My observations are that it does come from the urethra and is thus not vaginal lubrication, and it doesn't taste like urine.


To round out this discussion, we should touch on "non-orgasms".


Its a sad fact that a significant percentage of women have never had an orgasm. Its not exactly a condition one can 'observe' and write about, but I have been married to such a lady for 40 years. There seems to be three conditions - those that don't know how, those that can't, either physically or emotionally and it could be argued that this later group don't want to have orgasms - the 'loss of bodily control' is just too traumatic. At this point, spare a thought for the millions of girls and women for whom the centre of female pleasure has been cruelly cut out.

Non-sexual Orgasms

Yes Dorothy, such a thing is possible. And I have seen it in person.  Some 20 years ago, Lady Thomas was undergoing a major change in her medications and an ignorant doctor took her off some important meds 'cold turkey'. The withdrawal symptoms were dreadful, hallucinations, phobias, palpitations and muscle spasms. One day we were sitting chatting about nothing when she started have spasms obviously coming from her pelvic area. It was quite frightening and un-nerving. It put the 'nail in the coffin' of her ever wanting sexual orgasms, ever.

Faking It

Almost as sad as the women who are an-orgasmic, are those that feel they have to fake orgasms. Perhaps they are an-orgasmic and don't want their partner to know, but feel an obligation to please their partner.

In the paid-for-sex world, faking is relatively common, when the woman feels that orgasm is too personal and reserves that for their life partner. Sometimes it is put on when the client expects it even if she doesn't have any left in her that day. They aren't known as the "mattress actresses" for nothing.

Giving and Taking

When it comes to men "giving" women orgasms, I am reminded of the joke, "How man psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb" - A. "One, But the light bulb has to want to be changed!". It saddens me that so many men are only interested in their own orgasm, and so many women's orgasms are solitary affairs.

The great mystery of human sexuality, is that at its best, it is both totally selfish and totally unselfish, at the same time. It is both a journey and one or more climaxes (destinations?). But the reality of ageing, is that more and more, I have to be satisfied with enjoying the journey, irrespective of reaching any climax. I have as yet to hear the thoughts from any of my ladies on ageing for them - perhaps they just hide it and fake it.

Thank You

To all the delightful ladies that have shared time with me over the years, "Thank you" just doesn't seem enough. Perhaps I should say "O-O-O-O-OMG!!! THANK YOU!".

PS. Please don't be shy with the Comments. Share your experiences and thoughts, whether male or female.

Saturday, 17 January 2015

e[lust] #66

Elust #66

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Photo courtesy of CurvaceousDee

Welcome to Elust #66 -

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #67? Start with the rules, come back February 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!
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~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

 ~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~
~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~
*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
Lust Fish
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Erotic Fiction

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Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish


Writing About Writing



Thoughts and Advice on Sex and Relationships

Thursday, 1 January 2015

Happy New Year

Happy New Year

to all my readers.

Keep on cumming in 2015.

PS. Comments and discussion would be greatly appreciated as an incentive to post more often.

Tuesday, 23 December 2014

Christmas Drinks At The "Y"

'Twas the week before Christmas,
And all around the town,
Colleagues were celebrating The Season
With drinks eagerly quaffed down.

It's been seven years since I liberated myself and in that time I have had the pleasure of the company of something like 70 Ladies of Pleasure. But in that time, none have come close to matching the recently met Miss R, in generously sharing her cunni linctus. So a date was set for some festive imbibing.

Whilst Miss R is of oriental ancestry, she has learned her French well. From the moment of our coming together, her kisses are passionate, urgent and needy. In fact our lips only unlocked when mine were otherwise engaged with her lower lips.

Which brings me to round 1 of drinks. From the first touch of my fingers, R shuddered in anticipation. Then as my lips and her vulva kissed and my tongue swirled around her button and plumbed her depths, she ground her hips hard against my face. Her body tensed, then quivered and my mouth was filled with my first serve of warm, clear linctus.  I gulped it down and proceeded with my ministrations, to be rewarded a minute later with another gush.

After three or four 'drinks', I had to come up for air. R pulled me to herself, clamping her lips on mine, our loins matching the dance of our lips. She had my member 'in the groove' of her Y, rubbing across her button, pleasuring herself. I feel her tense again, and I feel warm liquid running down my shaft and over my balls.

But she wants more. Rolling me over and applying appropriate protection, she impales herself onto me, leaning forward to continue her passionate kissing. The rise and fall of her hips increases in rate, till she sits up straight, with just my knob inside her, as her whole body shudders and another flood of linctus pours over my cock and down my loins.

As her orgasm subsides, she slides down onto me again and and recommences her thrusting and kissing. Barely 2 minutes pass and another orgasm builds up. Again she rises, holding my knob with her inner lips, squeezing and twitching till her whole body is spasming and another waterfall floods my loins.

As orgasm #3 builds up, her squeezing of my knobs takes me over the edge. We come together and she collapses onto my chest with a giggle.

Thanks to Mr Pfizer, my erection remains hard and R is enjoying the feeling of being filled. Her body seems to have a mind of its own, and another spasm ripples through her body, clasping my cock. We cuddle and she giggles, only for another orgasm to run through her, and another and another. It takes a full minute or two before her orgasms subside and she is finally able to roll off me to cuddle up before we head for the shower.

Wow. That was "Christmas Drinks" never to be forgotten.
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